Hmmm? What is it that, if you were bound to tell the absolute truth, scares you most in life?
That is an answer that should change as you grow on this journey. What I mean is, things will scare you at 25 that don’t necessarily frighten you as much when you are around the 50-year mark. I think we only trap or endanger ourselves when we “commit” to statements like “Oh my god, I’m going to be 60 in X number of years….” Perhaps it’s the perspective that we are all given X number of days and that should be the mindset, not necessarily being afraid of higher numbers. In fact, those higher numbers should be the equivalent of bonus points if you were playing a video game or something…. but we’re only human, so it’s really natural to start thinking about the what-if’s that life presents us. That made me think about the question, what scares you in this life?
For me, I think the scariest thing would to pass from this world not feeling that I had accomplished anything or “made my mark”, so to speak because there’s sooooo much I WANT to accomplish. I feel that I’ve made some good choices lately in life, such as with going back to school, reducing cover content as a singer, focusing on the album, writing, trying to just “do good”….they are all things that are steps to the end goal or at least next “level” of where I want to feel both spiritually, intellectually and artistically. And I don’t feel emptiness, that’s for sure, but I still feel this drive/determination seems to only keep pointing one way, and that’s forward – full speed ahead. No numbers of years celebrated have any effect other than to make me wish I had been able to do it much earlier…but then again, if I’m not counting down the days, doesn’t “earlier” become an irrelevant term to associate with the path?
If I think about that too hard I get caught up in this silly loop – I think we all do – of letting worry dictate our actions on all levels. Worry of failure, perception to others, and more…. it’s just not a loop I want to get stuck in again. Spent many years there and that is my only regret: the perception of “wasted time”. But again, those years taught me things I have learned greatly from, things that are now able to be shown in what I write, and with school, I feel that I’ve only barely started removing the lid from the top of the creative well. Ideas molding themselves into workable pieces of clay right in front of my eyes (and ears!) and I just can’t get enough.
So to you, I ask: What are you scared of?